Regarding the Rainbow Header

This post brought to you in both written and video (I disliked the video. It is now gone forever) form.  You see how nice I am? Maybe you like reading, or maybe you like watching videos.  Take your pick.  Also, if you just like audio, then simply cover your screen while the video is playing.  You’ve got so many options!

I’ve been told by a couple of friends that the rainbow background on my blog’s header may evoke associations with homosexuality.  The point being that people may think of homosexuality when they see the header and then consciously or subconsciously link me with homosexuality. To be more succinct, my friends said the header makes it seem like I’m gay.

This is where I make the obligatory Seinfeld reference and say, “not that there’s anything wrong with that.”  No, there isn’t anything wrong with it. Rock on, gay people.

Nevertheless, my initial reaction was that I had to change the header. I can’t have people thinking that I’m gay. Not because I have a problem with it, as I’ve already established, but because I’m not gay. If my header led people to believe that I am an octogenarian, I would also contemplate changing it.  It’s simply false advertising.

But then I got to thinking about it and I decided, no, I am not changing the header.  Mainly I was too lazy to think of a new design, but after some mental calisthenics, I was able to come up with a reason that sounds a hell of a lot more justifiable than sheer laziness.

It’s kind of like when I know I need to clean my room, but I am too lazy to do it.  I convince myself that I don’t have a messy room because I’m lazy, but because I am rebelling against the ridiculous social norm that dictates that our rooms must be clean.  These justifications make it much easier to sleep at night in my bed filled with discarded pizza crusts and months-old laundry.

Anyhoo, I decided that I will be keeping my vaguely homosexual header because I am taking the rainbow back from the gays.  That’s right, you heard me.  No you didn’t actually.  But you read me.  The gays co-opted the rainbow years ago (I believe the year was 1963, if I had to make something up) and they’ve held onto it with a death-like grip ever since.

When I used to think of rainbows in my naïve childhood, I thought of a cute little leprechaun at the end with his cute little pot of gold. But when I got older and wised up to the gays’ ownership of the rainbow, even that beautiful image became distorted in my mind.  Now I see two little leprechauns engaging in lewd acts I can’t even print.

Well, not anymore. I’m re-claiming the rainbow. Not on behalf of a particular group. I’m just opening them to the public again. I love rainbows. It feels so liberating to say. I do love them. They’re one of my favourite elements of nature, right in front of the Venus Fly Trap and just behind the waterfall. They’re absolutely beautiful and rare enough that you appreciate them every time, like a blowjob from your wife.

So people, don’t let the header on my blog mislead you. I am not gay. But I do love rainbows.  And I am not ashamed to say it.

I still hate the colour purple though. It’s just super gay.

~ by djdemers on September 17, 2009.

2 Responses to “Regarding the Rainbow Header”

  1. Well Played good sir. While you are at it, will you be reclaiming porchmonkeys as well?

    • No, I’ll leave that to Randal. I’m focusing on the rainbow for now. But I support his cause. And I had to look that up. I haven’t actually seen Clerks 2. I just can’t live a lie.

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