Embarrassing Videos for a Niche Gay Market

Can't a guy do anything without people calling him gay?

I just wanted to take a moment to share old, embarrassing videos with you. Why? I’m not sure. I’m a glutton for punishment perhaps.

I made these videos a couple years ago when I was first trying this whole comedy thing.  I shot them on my webcam in my bedroom at my first apartment in Toronto.

(Incidentally, my first apartment was located at 666 Spadina Ave, which led me to write one of my first jokes in the big city.  “I live at 666 Spadina.  They skip the 13th floor in the elevator, like most places. But the address is 666 Spadina. 666! We’re already in the devil’s lair. Skipping the 13th floor is redundant.”

Thank you, thank you everybody!)

In that wide-eyed, nascent stage of my comedy foray, I made a plan that I would make funny videos as often as possible. I would take some time to write a funny little monologue and put it on my YouTube channel for the world to see. I stuck to this plan for a couple months. In that time, I made three videos that I cannot even stand to watch now.

They are awful.  Honestly, I hate them so much. I don’t know why I’m dredging them up. I suppose I am getting tired of always exposing the best parts of my life, which is everybody’s M.O. in 99.9% of our online communication. I wonder if revealing the things you’re ashamed of can be as rewarding as flaunting your proudest moments? Who knows.

In any event, the videos consist of me in front of a webcam, talking about a myriad of ridiculous things for entirely too long. And by the last video, I end up shirtless. That’s right, shirtless.  Without further ado, here is the unholy trinity of awful videos.

LEARN TO PLAY THE CLIMB BY MILEY CYRUS

The first video is me teaching the people of the internet how to play ‘The Climb’ by Miley Cyrus on the guitar.  Inexplicably, I speak in an awful British accent. At one point, I pepper in a reference to the music-making ‘versificator’ from the novel ‘1984’. I’m not sure who I believed my target audience was.

Favourite comment:

“dont sing u made it fuckin worst!!!”
– Rimsha615

THE CHEST HAIR REVOLUTION

The second video is me trying to lead what I deemed ‘The Chest Hair Revolution”. I felt there were too many hairless men in the media, and I was taking a stand for men with hair.  This video has 31,000 views right now and 82 comments, most of them from gay men.  And all of their comments are so complimentary. Big ups to the gay community for your positivity. Oh, and thanks for wanting to do me too. I’ll decline, but thanks again for the flattery.

Favourite Comment:

“I like that you have “grass on the playground.” You’re a little cutie and I would condition your chest hair with the finest conditioners money can buy. I would engage in the wholesale slaughter of bald eagles should I hear so much as a rumor that bald eagle oil could make your chest hairs even silkier than what they already are.”

– waltzjoel

JON & KATE PLUS HATE

The third video is me reciting a poem about how much I hate Jon and Kate Gosselin as I gently finger-pick a guitar.  Oh yeah, I’m also shirtless for the entire video.  I guess I thought it would be clever to continue the Chest Hair Revolution into a video that had nothing to do with the Chest hair Revolution, thereby demonstrationg that the revolution knows no bounds. I’m really not sure what I was thinking.

What I am sure of is that this video spawned even more friendly comments from the gay men of the internet.  And once again, their comments are all so flattering. This video has garnered 19,000 views and, just to remind you, it is godawful. It doesn’t matter how bad it is, the gay men keep watching it, and I thank them for their nice comments once again.  I am vaguely aware that somewhere, at least one man has masturbated to this video. That is a hilariously unexpected consequence of my little revolution. Slightly disturbing as well, but let’s focus on the hilarity.

Favourite Comment:

“Love the way his armpit hair looks slightly damp too. Post-workout sweat???”

– alexym32

So, there you have it. Three awful videos, two of which have found themselves a niche market in the gay community. These three videos all get a hell of a lot more views than my other videos that are much better (in my opinion at least).  So what does that tell us?

I think it tells us a lot about the people of the interwebs, and that they want to get to know you.  As a person. They want to love you, hate you, whatever. But they want to feel like they know you, the real you.

Also, they occasionally want to masturbate to you. Once again guys, appreciate it, but I’m gonna keep doing the whole hetero thing.

Viva la Revolucion, y’all. Viva la Revolucion.

~ by djdemers on January 5, 2012.

One Response to “Embarrassing Videos for a Niche Gay Market”

  1. Your “niche” gay market is the largest one in the community today: the “Bear” community. If you were gay, we’d classify you as either a cub or perhaps an otter. I think your beard helps you fills that role better. You should be proud! Bear social clubs hold annual events called “runs”. All runs have pageants where there is one performer who is the main entertainment. Would you be willing to do your stand-up routine at a bear run? You’d already have some ready-made material for the gig, and think what new material you’d get from it! Think about it!

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