A Picture Says a Thousand Words

After listening to me complain about a particularly awful haircut I received recently, my friend asked me, “Have you ever shaved your head?”

Why yes, yes I have! Let me tell you that story, through the magic of photos.

One beautiful day during a summer term in university, my good friend and roommate Andrew asked me to shave his head.  I obliged, of course, and shaved his head on the back porch of our house.  After shaving his head, I thought, “Hey, what the hell, I’ll shave my head too.”

Then another friend came over, and we said, “Hey, you should shave your head too!”

And he did. Then another friend came over, and he got the skinhead special as well.  We were shaving heads left, right and centre. Finally, there remained one person in the house who did not have a shaved head. His name was Tim, and he was adamant that he did not want to shave his head.

The only logical course of action, according to the manual of stereotypical frat boy behaviour, was to harass and belittle him for upwards of an hour until he acquiesced.  So we did. And he did.

After that victory, it was photo op time.  And boy, did we take some doozies.

In the first photo, we all cross our arms real gangster-like, but you can still see smiles on a couple of our faces.

So we try it again. This time, we’re all on the same page.  Except for Tim. Now he’s going with the smiling motif. I’ve got a nice head cock going on in the background.  I’m not fucking around! Do not fuck with me!

Now we’ve decided to deviate from the hardcore gangster theme.  Now the goal is to look like a hockey team photo. Notice the two spatulas in the foreground made to resemble hockey sticks. And notice the ‘Number 1′ sign we’re all flashing, indicating that we are, in fact, number one.

Have you noticed my friend Nathan is shirtless in all the photos? Really enhances the white-trashiness of the pictures.

And in this final photo, we have strayed about as far as you can from the gangster theme.  Now we’ve decided it would be best to all pile on top of each other, penis-to-bum, with our hands crossed under our chins for maximum femininity. Notice the racing stripe on my friend Andrew’s head. I changed the setting on the electric razor and gave him that. What a crazy prank! Oh the hijinks we got up to.

We kept all of our hair in bags with the intention of donating them for wigs.  Then we found out that all of our hair was too short to be used for a wig, but we were all too lazy to get rid of the bags, so we just had bags of hair sitting in our garage for months.  Ah, the good old days.

Thanks for embarking on that photographic journey with me.  I found these photos on my computer and they are simply too awful to not share.  

Deaf Jam Comedy – January 18, 2012

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Deaf Jam Comedy is back! And the first show of 2012 is stupendous. Hosted as always by me, DJ Demers, with a cavalcade of disgustingly talented comedians. And they are:

Matt O’Brien (Comedy Now, Video on Trial, Yuk Yuk’s)
John Ki (Comedy Now, Yuk Yuk’s)
Steph Tolev (of Ladystache fame)
Paul Thompson (the most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen)
Ryan Horwood (Yuk Yuk’s)
Ali Hassan (Fantastic Comedian AND Chef)
Sara Hennessey (Video on Trial, Laugh Sabbath)

9 pm. Comedy Bar. See your sexy ass there.

For more Chuckle Co goodness, check out our Facebook page.

An Interview with Sarah Churman

In September of last year, Sarah Churman posted a video to YouTube of her hearing for the first time at 29 years old.  She had a hearing implant, called the Envoy Esteem, implanted in her ear eight weeks earlier. The video captured her overwhelming emotions as the device was turned on for the first time.

The video became a viral sensation, and spawned a series of media appearances for Sarah. She appeared on Ellen, NY Ink, the Today Show, and many more media outlets, to share her incredible story.

I was fortunate enough to interview her on Sharp Focus, the show I host on AMI.  She is a wonderful woman, and I greatly enjoyed speaking with her.  If you’re interested in learning more about Sarah, visit her blog.  Here is the video of our interview.

Embarrassing Videos for a Niche Gay Market

Can't a guy do anything without people calling him gay?

I just wanted to take a moment to share old, embarrassing videos with you. Why? I’m not sure. I’m a glutton for punishment perhaps.

I made these videos a couple years ago when I was first trying this whole comedy thing.  I shot them on my webcam in my bedroom at my first apartment in Toronto.

(Incidentally, my first apartment was located at 666 Spadina Ave, which led me to write one of my first jokes in the big city.  ”I live at 666 Spadina.  They skip the 13th floor in the elevator, like most places. But the address is 666 Spadina. 666! We’re already in the devil’s lair. Skipping the 13th floor is redundant.”

Thank you, thank you everybody!)

In that wide-eyed, nascent stage of my comedy foray, I made a plan that I would make funny videos as often as possible. I would take some time to write a funny little monologue and put it on my YouTube channel for the world to see. I stuck to this plan for a couple months. In that time, I made three videos that I cannot even stand to watch now.

They are awful.  Honestly, I hate them so much. I don’t know why I’m dredging them up. I suppose I am getting tired of always exposing the best parts of my life, which is everybody’s M.O. in 99.9% of our online communication. I wonder if revealing the things you’re ashamed of can be as rewarding as flaunting your proudest moments? Who knows.

In any event, the videos consist of me in front of a webcam, talking about a myriad of ridiculous things for entirely too long. And by the last video, I end up shirtless. That’s right, shirtless.  Without further ado, here is the unholy trinity of awful videos.

LEARN TO PLAY THE CLIMB BY MILEY CYRUS

The first video is me teaching the people of the internet how to play ‘The Climb’ by Miley Cyrus on the guitar.  Inexplicably, I speak in an awful British accent. At one point, I pepper in a reference to the music-making ‘versificator’ from the novel ’1984′. I’m not sure who I believed my target audience was.

Favourite comment:

“dont sing u made it fuckin worst!!!”
- Rimsha615

THE CHEST HAIR REVOLUTION

The second video is me trying to lead what I deemed ‘The Chest Hair Revolution”. I felt there were too many hairless men in the media, and I was taking a stand for men with hair.  This video has 31,000 views right now and 82 comments, most of them from gay men.  And all of their comments are so complimentary. Big ups to the gay community for your positivity. Oh, and thanks for wanting to do me too. I’ll decline, but thanks again for the flattery.

Favourite Comment:

“I like that you have “grass on the playground.” You’re a little cutie and I would condition your chest hair with the finest conditioners money can buy. I would engage in the wholesale slaughter of bald eagles should I hear so much as a rumor that bald eagle oil could make your chest hairs even silkier than what they already are.”

- waltzjoel

JON & KATE PLUS HATE

The third video is me reciting a poem about how much I hate Jon and Kate Gosselin as I gently finger-pick a guitar.  Oh yeah, I’m also shirtless for the entire video.  I guess I thought it would be clever to continue the Chest Hair Revolution into a video that had nothing to do with the Chest hair Revolution, thereby demonstrationg that the revolution knows no bounds. I’m really not sure what I was thinking.

What I am sure of is that this video spawned even more friendly comments from the gay men of the internet.  And once again, their comments are all so flattering. This video has garnered 19,000 views and, just to remind you, it is godawful. It doesn’t matter how bad it is, the gay men keep watching it, and I thank them for their nice comments once again.  I am vaguely aware that somewhere, at least one man has masturbated to this video. That is a hilariously unexpected consequence of my little revolution. Slightly disturbing as well, but let’s focus on the hilarity.

Favourite Comment:

“Love the way his armpit hair looks slightly damp too. Post-workout sweat???”

- alexym32

So, there you have it. Three awful videos, two of which have found themselves a niche market in the gay community. These three videos all get a hell of a lot more views than my other videos that are much better (in my opinion at least).  So what does that tell us?

I think it tells us a lot about the people of the interwebs, and that they want to get to know you.  As a person. They want to love you, hate you, whatever. But they want to feel like they know you, the real you.

Also, they occasionally want to masturbate to you. Once again guys, appreciate it, but I’m gonna keep doing the whole hetero thing.

Viva la Revolucion, y’all. Viva la Revolucion.

Deaf Jam Christmas!

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Season’s greetings!

It’s time for my monthly show at the Comedy Bar, in association with Chuckle Co! (Chuckle Co – what a terrible name. I love it.)

The show is happening tomorrow night – December 21st – 9 pm at Comedy Bar.  The line-up is amazing, as per the usual, and I’ll be hosting.  I promise not to spend ten minutes talking about Jerry Sandusky raping little boys this time.  But it’s cool guys, he was just “teaching them how to shower properly”. Seriously, someone put this guy in jail.

Anyway, that was last month’s unexpected theme. This month, I want you to wear your favourite Christmas sweater. Cool? I got a lot of beers to give away, and you will get those beers if you’re wearing your sweater.  I’ll be wearing my sexy sweater you see in the photo above. It’s gonna be so festive.

Here is the awesome line-up:

Sandra Battaglini (Yuk Yuk’s)

Mike Rita (Host of Stoner Sundays at Vapor Central)

Todd Graham (A brilliant man)

Michael Harrison (Yuk Yuk’s)

Eddie Della Siepe (Yuk Yuk’s, Video on Trial)

See you tomorrow night!

‘Impaired standup comic D.J. Demers’ on ‘The Morning Show’

I got to sit down and chat with the lovely people at ‘The Morning Show’ on Global Toronto yesterday.  I had a fantastic time. I thought they asked great questions and I had a blast talking about comedy, as I always do.  I wish I would have mentioned the ubiquitous McCafe product placement at least once because, as you know I am a fan of subtle product placement.

I also regret not mentioning legendary Toronto comic, Dave Merheje, as he was the other Toronto finalist in NBC’s ‘Stand Up for Diversity Initiative‘.  But alas, I mentioned neither the McCafe’s nor Dave Merheje.  As Sydney Smith said, “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable”. Well said, Sydney.

Anyway, now I’m just rambling. Here is the video, you bunch of loveable knuckleheads. Just click on the image below.

Merry Christmas – I mean Happy Holidays! Kwanzaa?

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Happy holidays everyone!

Every year around this time, you hear the same debate. Whether to call it Christmas or Hanukkah or just go the vanilla route and say ‘Happy Holidays’. That’s what most people do. They err on the side of political correctness. And then some people are even offended by their attempt at being non-offensive.

The Christian diehards scream “Jesus is the reason for the season! I wanna say ‘Merry Christmas’ and I will!”

It’s ok dude. You can say it. Nobody is going to be that mad. We’re not in the West Bank or Northern Ireland.  I don’t think we’ll ever see the following scenario unfold in a mall in Waterloo, Ontario:

Christmas Celebrator: “Merry Christmas!”

Hanukkah Celebrator: (Punches Christian in the face repeatedly)  “How dare you? I’m Jewish!”

I think whatever you decide to call it – Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa – the most important thing is that I get a Playstation 3. I want one badly, and I don’t care what celebration fosters your urge to give me one. The most important thing is that I get my Playstation 3.

Well, the real important thing is that I spend precious time with my family. I’m so excited to see my nieces and nephew, drink and be merry, eat some delicious food, and be thankful for my loved ones as we all settle in after dinner and play NHL 12 on my new Playstation 3 that someone got me for Christmas.

Also, another important thing to remember about the debate is that God doesn’t exist, so it doesn’t really matter.

No, no that was a joke. God is real. Yahweh, Allah, God, whatever god you believe in, they’re all real, simultaneously.

I was just kidding back there. I don’t want you to question your beliefs. That’s the last thing I’m here to do. Could you imagine someone making you question your beliefs? That’d be crazy.

I’m really starting to notice the difference between comedy audiences because performing atheism jokes are so easy at most shows in Toronto, but I did that joke at a family Christmas party in Guelph on Saturday and they did not like it one bit.  I felt so bad because they even let me eat dinner with them before the show. They said a prayer before the meal, and I got to sit at a table with the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

My gig – their family Christmas party – was being held at the local Knights of Columbus. All white people obviously. It was Guelph.

And not University of Guelph, granola-loving, hippy Guelph. I’m talking the part of Guelph that has a lot more in common with Cambridge. (There’s some more Waterloo region humour for you right there.)  They were the sweetest people in the world, and some of them may have even enjoyed a joke that ended “…God doesn’t exist”.

But most of them surely would not have appreciated the joke, especially the older demographic in the room (and there were more than a few).  These are the people who, when I tell a joke involving Drake, turn and whisper to their wife of 55 years, “Who the hell is Jake?”

So I didn’t end up making the joke. I know I said I did earlier, but I just said that so that you would be intrigued while reading the rest.  I apologize for my deception. But I couldn’t say it! Not after they were so nice. They not only paid me, THEY FED ME!  I love food. I had nothing but love in my heart for those Christian sons of guns. You can call me a pansie or you can call me a professional.  Just don’t call me a pansie.

Besides, if I told them God wasn’t real, the older folks would have beat me with their canes. Just a massive caning circle. Don’t you for one second think they wouldn’t have.

And who could blame them? They’d all be wondering, “Who the hell brought in the comedian to tell me God doesn’t exist at my Christmas party?” and now the organizer looks like an ass for bringing us in.  And he is with his family, so now his entire family thinks he’s an ass.

It’s just terrible timing, is what it is. Christmas, for those of you who don’t know, is the day that Christians believe was Jesus was born, and Jesus was also God because of that whole incarnation thing, so a Christmas party is a less than optimal time to be proselytizing to your audience that their God was never born, because he does not in fact exist.

And if you are questioning why I even felt you needed Christmas explained to you, do not overestimate people. I was once talking to a relative, who I will not name, but I love her very much.

She said, “So, Christmas is when Jesus died, right?”

And she was born and raised Catholic! She’s been baptized, confirmed, married, she’s knocking off all the seven sacraments. Two more – anointing of the sick and holy orders! – and she’s got them all. And she thought Jesus died on Christmas. I love it.

So whether you’re a devout religious devotee or a fly-by-night adherent like my anonymous relative, or you don’t give a crap about any of that stuff in the first place, I wish all the best to you and the people you love during the holidays. I hope you’re happy and healthy. And just remember, I’m really hoping for a Playstation 3 from my saviour, his Noodliness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Happy Holidays everyone!

Never Tap!

Oh hi.

Here is a fun little video that me and my good buddy Ryan Bondy filmed yesterday.  It is a little bit off the wall.

 

Deaf Jam Comedy – Wednesday, November 16

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Exciting news, my friends. I am hosting and producing a comedy show every month at the Comedy Bar, and this Wednesday is the very first show!

It’s called Deaf Jam Comedy.

Get it? Because I wear hearing aids? It’s like Def Jam Comedy, the show with all the black and/or urban people. But it’s ‘Deaf Jam’ because I wear hearing aids. Get it, you guys!?

Check out the awesome poster, designed by my main man Chris DePaul.

Get it, guys?!

The line-up of comedians on the first show is incroyable. Check ‘em out.

Garrett Jamieson (The Boom!)

Chris Robinson (Exposed his testicles on Rogers TV)

Christina Walkinshaw (Comedy Now!, Yuk Yuk’s)

Hunter Collins (Yuk Yuk’s, Video on Trial)

Fraser Young (Video on Trial, Comedy Now!)

And I, D.J. Demers, will be your host for the evening. I have a lot of beer to give away and lots of funny stories to tell you.  Come on out. This Wednesday, November 16th. 9 pm. Comedy Bar.

If you want even more information about the show, join the Chuckle Co. Facebook group.

See you Wednesday.

(You get it though? It’s like Def Jam, but since I wear hearing aids I called it De – - -)

Cream of Comedy – This Monday!

It’s almost here, folks.  On Monday, November, 7th, I will be competing in the Cream of Comedy show at Second City. It’s going down at 8 pm.  And in case you don’t know why this is such a huge show, I’ll tell you now. There will be distinguished judges on hand who will determine which of the five acts has the best set.

And that person (or persons, in the case of the two sketch troupes) will receive $5000.

That’s right, $5000

I want that money so badly, I can taste it.  I will obviously use upwards of $2000 of my winnings to make it rain at various exotic dancing establishments around Toronto. However, the other $3000 will be put towards responsible things, like investing in a Segway. They really are the wave of the future!

So come on out this Monday, and laugh me into prosperity.

Then we can all go cruising!

"Buying these cop outfits was a great idea too!"